17

Dear John…

Holy shitballs Gibbers you dang ol’ sonovabitch, long time no talk! It’s me, Stoeten!

I know, I know, it’s been a long time since I’ve written. Too long, if you want to know the God’s honest truth. But there just hasn’t been a lot for me to say this season, John. Really looked for a while like you and the boys might have shit the bed before it was even made, y’know? And I sure as fuck didn’t need to be chiming in on anything if you were going to the kind of foul mood that a start to the season like that must surely bring.

But listen, John. Quick question, you ol’ shit-sniffing mutt. I… uh… I’ll try to put this as delicately as I can, but… um… WHAT IN THE HORSECOCKING SHITTING FUCK WAS DEVON TRAVIS DOING TRYING TO BUNT WITH TWO ON AND NONE OUT IN THE BOTTOM OF THE EIGHTH WITH YOU DOWN 6-5??!??!?!?! WHAAAAAAATTTTTT???? IN THE HORSECOCKINNNNNGGGGGGGG??? SHITTTTTTTTTTINNNNG???? FUCCCCCCCKKKKK??? WAS DEVON TRAVIS DOINGGGGGGGGG? TRYYYYYYYYYYING TO BUNNNNNNNNT?????? WITHHHHHHH TWOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOONNNN???? AND NONNNNNNNNNEEEE OUUUUUUUTTTTTT INNN THEEEEEE BOTTTOOOOMMMMMMM OF THE EIGHTHHHHHH????? ANNNNNND YOU DOWWWWNNNNNN SIXXXXXXXX TOOOOOO FIVVVVEEEE????? GIBBBBOONNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSS????

GIBBBONNNNNNNS!!!!!!! WHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT????

WHAT WAS THAT???!? WHAT WAS THAT????? WHAT WAS THAT??????

Deep breath. Deep breath. OK. I’m sorry, buddy. Jesus, Gibbers, you know I don’t get like this. This is me Gibbons. This is Stoeten. We’ve been through a lot. BUT WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT WASSSSSS THHHHHAAAATTTTTT???? WHAAAAAAATTTTTT???? IN THE HORSECOCKINNNNNGGGGGGGG??? SHITTTTTTTTTTINNNNG???? FUCCCCCCCKKKKK??? WAS DEVON TRAVIS DOINGGGGGGGGG? TRYYYYYYYYYYING TO BUNNNNNNNNT?????? GIBBBBOONNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSS????

Oh jeez. I’m sorry. Gettin’ a little carried away here. By my God, man. THAT WAS TERRIBLE! Travis was 2-for-3 with a pair of doubles at the time. Yesterday he was 3-for-5 with a pair of doubles. The day before that he was 2-for-4 with — you guessed it! — a pair of doubles! MIGHT BE THE GUY YOU WANT TO LET SWING AWAY INSTEAD OF TURNING TO, GOD LOVE HIM BUT HOLY SHIT, DARWIN FUCKING BARNEY — WITH THE TYING RUN HOPEFULLY 90 FEET AWAY. Because the thing about that is, Gibbons, bunting doesn’t always work out!

I get it, though, Gibbers. Or, at least, I get it a little bit. We’re all a little distracted tonight. The great dumpster fire of 2017 shone real fuckin’ bright while this game was going on, and maybe you didn’t manage to avert your eyes. Maybe you were furiously searching the legal definition of obstruction of justice and didn’t realize who it was you were asking to bunt there. Maybe it was all a little too much for the ol’ Gib-dog there. BUT OPEN YOUR EYES, MAN.

And the worst part is, you’re a pretty good manager, John. Oh, there are absolute blame-desperate squids who’ll say otherwise, but anyone who doesn’t instinctually use dumbfuck manager hate as a defense mechanism for their complete inability to contemplate a universe that doesn’t automatically deliver easy answers and/or has actually watched and paid the same kind of attention to how other managers operate knows that you’re entirely fine. Maybe not perfect! Maybe not always necessarily even good. But certainly far more than good enough. And now I have to go and give those fucking insufferable dopes a gift by acknowledging this relatively rare occurrence where you got it way wrong.

I know, I know, games aren’t lost on one single play. And I know that the way this one turned out, and the inning itself turned out, was some Murphy’s Law shit. Aaaand that the way this game went left a lot of people raw as it was, and searching for something and someone to make the singular avatar of so much that went wrong — both in the game and this season overall — no matter how incoherent. But holy piss, Gibbers. Holy piss. Let’s be a little bit fucken better next time, eh?

Chin up!

Yer pal,

Stoeten

    • lol right?! I was watching the game on atbat and got suuper pumped that they had 2 guys on with no outs. Then Travis tried to bunt and I was like… What??? Maybe he did that on his own?? But why would he do that o.O. It was completely bizarre.

      I had a small smidget of hope that Barney might pull through but then he lined out into a double play. I let out a loud WHYYY!!! As I was walking home. I’m sure people thoyght I was weird but they would understand if they knew the full story.

    • No Fold

      Locomotion I was totally freezing out Our hottest hitter. I was so psyched knowing Travis was coming up. Zahny agreed with it but I don’t have to always agree with him. Yes that’s how it should be played and he should be able to lay one down but after that feeble first attempt I was praying Gibby would take it off. Bad move John. They compared it to Freddie freeman. Ironically I had just used that comparison with my family though again Greg didn’t agree. No Zahny he was that hot. That’s the play that should have been called. Maybe whatever someone dropped into your dream would also explain why you thought you should bring in Osuna for a solid Joe smith. Well hopefully it will clear your system and you’ll be able to function better tomorrow

      • awhite

        Gregg Zaun is a moron. Bunting is giving up an out for 90ft. Worst case scenario, the bunt gives up an out and no one moves up. Best case scenario, the defence screws up and an out isn’t given up. In this case, worst case scenario happened. If the whole point of the bunt was to eliminate the double play then Barney should have been bunting too… see where I’m going with this? Let them hit, especially a guy who’s been hotter than hot the last week.

  • Jeff2sayshi

    When Buck said Atlanta was expecting a bunt, prior to them showing Travis, my first thought was “No way.” I don’t have a problem so much with the fact it was Travis trying to bunt, hot bat and all. If he’d been in the 2 or 9 spot, I would have been fine with it, because you have guys you can trust to hopefully get the run in. But he was followed by Barney, Carrera, Goins. THAT’s the big problem, not the bunt itself.

  • AaronH

    Andrew, Does this really surprise you? Gibby loves the bunt. I remember at least once Goins bunting in front of Mailey (if spelled right). He is a great defender and I love that, but he has one hit this season.. and that should have been caught. He needs to relax with the bunt. It feels like it is like autopilot. Down by one run and a man one.. bunt.
    Joe Posnanski said it best, “most managers would give you the out to advance the runner to second.”

  • Mule or etc...

    If they are going to give up 19 runs in two games to the Braves does it really matter what the hitters do? They might as well pop ‘n lock (whatever the fuck that is) when they come to the plate.

  • El Cabeza

    The bunt was unbelievably stupid in that situation.

    The people questioning Gibby’s move to put his best reliever in against one of the opponents’ best hitters in a critical situation are equally as stupid.

    • Locomotion

      Best reliever, yes. If you notice osuna’s style. It’s either a pop fly / hr( deep double) or a strike out. He’s deadly yes. But seriously. You can’t expect him to get you out of EVERY jam. This is the 2nd or 3rd time this year when he’s come into a game to get them out of the jam with an out or 2 and runners on. I personally don’t like him in those situations. He seems to be a bit off, like he’s pressing. So why not give smith the change to finish the inning. He had 6 pitches. Kemp is/was a stud. I get the obvious that best vs best, but fack man can’t say that every time.

  • Rob Ray

    Yes, the bunt was stupid. The “plan” appears to have been to tie the game (you have to play for the win at home, Gibby) then bring out Smith for the 9th and if the game went extras, Osuna for the tenth. Every aspect of this “plan” blew up in Gibby’s face. It’s times like this I start to think Gibby must have been the one to saddle Custer’s horse.