And it comes to no surprise by any Blue Jays fans out there that the Bringer Of Rain has returned, as it’s just too difficult for a natural talent to remain dormant for too long.

JD has stepped back into the ol’ batters box with his T.N.T. dynamite, and fans have watched him explode this month — without, of course, any face shield to protect him from the high and inside pitch. And since he has removed this piece and exposed his well-being for the greater good (i.e. production) he has brought back the rain that so many good Blue Jays fans have been praying for, hasn’t he?

In the month of August, JD has had 41-plate appearances, which have resulted in 14 hits, 3 doubles, 6 rainstorms, and 11 base-on-balls. He’s put together a slash line of .341/.481/.854 (1.335 OPS) — the kind of explosive numbers that the good fans of the Birds expect from the 2015 AL MVP, and, of course, that he expects from himself.

Through just two weeks in August, the Bringer of Rain has 16 RBIs, compared to June where he was only able to bring in 13, or his July with just 11. So thank fuck he’s back, found that swing, and is raising the Dome crowd to their feet.

From May 26th to July 18th while (mostly) protected by the shield ,JD had 183 PA, struck out 38 times, had only 7 dingers, and hit for .234. And from July 18th to August 15th while being able to actually see, he has had 122 PA, struck out 24 times, hit 8 dingers, and has hit for .275. Not bad at all!

Things are finally turning around, but it hasn’t been an easy road for JD this season that’s for fuck sure. He was on the DL from April 14th to May 24th, and there was a decision that he made when he made his long awaited return that would dramatically affect his production to the morose tune of a slash line of are/you/fucking/kidding/me this is not the MVP: the face shield. Now, of course, he had been playing hurt and had to work on his timing at the plate as he lost so many valuable plate appearances in April and May, but damn it that face shield sure didn’t do the Bringer of RBIs any good! Sure, it makes complete sense why he decided to attach this piece of equipment to his helmet because his safety is what’s most important, but at the end of the day, is it??? This is his job and quality at-bats and RBIs are what will lock him that multi-year deal, which I’m sure he will get once he hits free agency… with the *cough* Birds, of course – just sayin’. [Teams don’t really pay for RBIs these days, but for our purposes they’re a fine enough proxy for the kind of offensive production they value. Carry on — Ed.]

From the beginning of June until the All-Star break of dinger derbies, JD hit a sad .250 with six homers, and 18 lonely RBIs over 33 woeful Bird games. It was during the break that the man had his eureka fucking face shield moment and decided that it was the main cause to his bleak production line at the plate.

He said in an interview earlier in August that it was blocking him out of a couple of pitches or he was having to turn his head in a certain manner in order to get a good look at a pitcher. That being said, no wonder it we were seeing such negative results in the batter’s box! Because a batters response has to be so precisely timed that any minor obstruction would inevitably result in Ryan Goins-like numbers (ahh, fuck, sorry GoGo maniacs – just sayin’).

One should admire the intentions that JD had when he attached that shitty face shield to his helmet, because Lord knows that if I had to step into that batter’s box I would only do it if I were wearing all of my hockey equipment, and, even then, I still just might take the pass. The fact that he decided to protect himself after being nearly hit in the head a few times makes complete sense. However, it doesn’t make sense if it’s going to make a player like JD ineffective and unable to play to the holy-shit-awesome that he’s capable of, that’s for fuck sure.

So with a 2017 Birds season of utter shitty things filled with injuries from head-to-toe and blisters, you might as well toss in the JD face shield onto that list of trash too. But the good news is that it’s August and the Bringer of Rain is finally back! And let’s just imagine that shield experiment never happened! What would JD’s Wins Above Replacement actually be right now? And with that, how many games closer would the good Birds of summer be to the second Wild Card. You can call me fucking crazy if you will, but maybe that little shield which inhibited Donaldson to hit like the fucking king that he is, might have cost the Birds the playoffs.

And, shit, if there was no blister thing this year too. Well, then sheeeeeeeeeeeit the Birds might have actually been as good as we expected this past winter. But sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit that’s not the case. The good news, however, is that the king is back and the rain has come. Who knows? Maybe the Birds can actually push for that second Wild Card. It’s not like the fucking teams ahead of them are any good. And it’s not like any of them suddenly just added an MVP.