15

Sifting through the garbage

So what do all you fine humans, who click on our stuff at Blue Jays Nation, want to talk about? Because the truth is that there really isn’t much to talk about right now. I think that there are some Jays bloggers out there scratching their effing heads for ideas because the content has to keep flowing, but this season has been bad like most things trending on Twitter.

So I figured, let’s cut the shit and offer some candid thoughts about this season or what the hell to expect during the offseason or something. I mean, I could peck at the ground like a pigeon looking for food scraps on the sidewalk and type up some sort of bullshit piece about some lame Jays topic right now, but that would be boring. And boring is bad.

Earlier in the week I was bored, so I decided to go for a walk in Trinity Bellwoods Park and look for the albino squirrel. But all I saw were a couple of dudes wearing Bautista jerseys and some crusty punks doing their tall can thing. But the Bautista jerseys made me think about the good ol’ days and how great Joey Bats was and how awesome 2015 and ’16 were.

Then I started thinking about the leftovers (not the HBO show) because after the July trade deadline came and went, and when Josh Donaldson was dealt in the eleventh hour in August, not too many players from those two fun seasons remain.

From the 2015 roster only Marco Estrada, Marcus Stroman, Aaron Sanchez, Ryan Tepera, Russell Martin, Tulo (on paper), Justin Smoak, Devon Travis, Kevin Pillar, and, I guess, Dalton Pompey have survived the Blue Jays cataclysm.

I wouldn’t say that there was a sudden departure for some of the great players who helped bring back the motherfucking ruckus. But, after JD was shot off to Cleveland, the slow burn turned to grief similar to how the characters felt in HBO’s ‘The Leftovers’. A Kevin Garvey and Nora Durst kind of grief.

Decisions will be made in the future. More Jays will disappear. Get your tobacco ready.

Now, Rogers did a fine job riding the 2015 and ’16 gravy train into 2017 and ’18, but that cash has dried up and no more Donaldson jerseys are going to be sold and the gate has been slow. But, that’s no worry for the suits in that Canadian company because Vladdy Jr. will make a shitload of cash for them next year once they call him up in April (and screw him over for service time).

One thing that is certain is that the 2019 Jays aren’t going to win the World Series, but the Buffalo Bisons might win the International League Championship. So, if you live close to the Rainbow Bridge or Peace Bridge or whatever bridge, you’re a quick drive to the fun stuff that will be happening in the land of William Mattar and Coca-Cola Field.

Now, what else could I talk about? How about the Rays not the Jays? I mean, who could’ve ever predicted that the Rays would end up being 20 games over .500? Remember Rays Tank? More like Jays Tank. Tank you very much Fangraphs projections for the false hope. But at the end of the damn baseball day, it could be worse.

We could be Orioles fans.

So where did it all go wrong this season? Did it start with the Tulo bone-spur saga? Or was it the JD dead-arm tale? Or the JD will never come back again thing? Or the JD got traded for Merry-someone thing?

What’s the shittiest thing that happened that Fangraphs’ computers couldn’t project? Was it Sanchez’ issues with luggage? Stroman pitching like Mat Latos in the first half? Estrada not painting like Pablo Picasso? Or Jaime Garcia? I dunno, but the pitching was supposed to be good…shit happens. Not even a three-eyed raven could’ve seen all the shitty things that came with this year’s shit storm filled with shit winds, so there’s that.

Maybe I should write about the good that is Borucki, Reid-Foley, and Jansen. Maybe I should write about Rowdy effing Tellez. And I shouldn’t forget about Lourdes and uncle Morales, too. I guess I could go on about the battle between Shapiro/Atkins fans vs. Shatkins fans, but what’s the point…I should save that stuff for the offseason.

I guess, since I’ve been going on pretty much about nothing, I should wrap this nonsense up. But, one thing I think Jays fans should do during the last home stand against Houston is…chant:

“GIBBY” “GIBBY” “GIBBY” “GIBBY” “GIBBY” “GIBBY” “GIBBY” “GIBBY” “GIBBY”

…because #GibbyTheBest.

I hope he gives us one last ejection for that final curtain call.

Now, that’s what I should’ve written about.

  • The Humungus

    I’m sitting here in my basement, working late (from home) because fucking lawyers can’t get their shit together and need accounting reports for litigation for shit that should have been submitted into evidence over a month ago (SERIOUSLY, THREE IN A WEEK).

    I’m doing this while listening to a sweet Spotify daily full of the choicest stoner rock and doom metal (Funeralopolis by Electric Wizard right now), drinking a Wicked Awesome IPA from Nickelbrook (highly recommend if you like Vermont style hazy’s) and I need a break.

    So, on the subject of this Jays team, the last two years have been a lot of bullshit. Tulo, Sanchy, and JD missing so much time, Devon Travis regression, Kendrys Morales taking nearly 1 1/3 seasons to adjust to how the league was pitching him, Stroman’s social media accounts, Estrada being a headcase and then just losing it, Russell Martin’s regression from All-Star catcher to mediocre super-utility guy (I can’t believe I just wrote that), Roberto Osuna apparently had off field worries. It’s a goddamned laundry list.

    But, there are good stories.

    This franchise has legitimate prospects at every level for the first time in I don’t know how long. Not just lottery tickets, but honest to God guys with major league potential. Vlad at AAA. Like 1/4 of the Fisher Cats roster. Kevin Smith and Nate Pearson n Dunedin. Chavez Young, Samad Taylor, Corey Spanberger and Ryan Noda at Lansing. Josh Winckowski had a hell of a season at Vancouver. Cal Stephenson, Alejandro Kirk and Eric Pardinho.

    Plus Groshans was a beast in GCL. Kloffenstein has all the tools.

    And they traded for a bunch of guys, too!

    We ALL knew this was coming. If you didn’t you were blind. So, I stopped watching. Months ago, in fact.

    But it’s awesome to look forward to the future 🙂

    Like, I’m pretty stoked on the direction of the franchise.

    Now if only we can get fucking Rogers to open up the purse strings to make the stadium more awesome.

      • Paul Beestons Grass Surface

        Speaking of Gibby forever, anyone read anything about the FO sniffing around John Farrel. I’m seriously hoping this is a baseless, trolling attempt by some writer to incite jays fans into becoming Yankee/Dodger fans out of spite…..

    • Paul Beestons Grass Surface

      Yeah, you’re right. It’s a good feeling and the minors are starting to really flourish. It will be interesting to see the direction they go in next summers draft. I Know they talked about focusing on pitching, but do they actually do it? I say this, because, although it’s hard to deal for pitching, we have some serious crowding issues coming along in the next 1-3 years in the infield and outfield. So do they just got the AA draft route and load up on pitching, or do they maybe look at 50% of the draft for pitching, with the idea that they take the best player available with the remaining 50%…won’t get into the filler org types that get taken higher up to target better, more expensive guys later on. But I mean, when it comes down to the nitty gritty. Do they just go for the best player overall, or do they focus on the best pitcher overall….with the idea that perhaps through trades, they might snag some younger pitching talent, while alleviating the overcrowding that is already happening?
      I also empathize on the late night thing. In my world, the non IT, normally marketing based people, hear a buzzword and/or have a conversation with a client, who also happens to have no clue as to how creating software works, and the amount of work that goes into what they perceive to be a simple change. This of course is a result of good devs making it easier on the end user, but in doing so, have to write a shit ton of code to take care of what appears to be simple and make things happen.

      Now this is all par for the course, but it seems the two non IT people will somehow come to a conclusion that this little change would really make the client management team happy, and if it could be included in the release 2 days from now, everyone would smile and be grateful in the most facetious, HR driven, bullshit way. Well, when the little shit nugget starts to role down hill and finally makes it to the devs, it’s become an avalanche of code changes, that then require 21 hour days for the next two days, without any testing, to make it happen. Only to then have a project manager demo it, not really knowing the context, and talking about it in a completely different scope from what the client hoped for. This can lead to the client saying, well, nice attempt, maybe next time. And the devs burnt out, resentful and miserable. So yeah, I empathize. I’m about to dive back into that shit with summer coming to a close. I should have been a baker. 🙂

  • PastorofMuppets

    I’ve been making the completely baseless and irrational claim that the Jays will sign Harper in the offseason (Shapiro’s latest comments were a ruse! Lulling us in to a false sense of Harperless void!) but there’s a not-insignificant part of me that still thinks it’d be a good sign, as ridiculously expensive as it’ll be.

    Assuming you got him at something like 7-10 years at somewhere between 30-40 million per, you’d have a guy (at a hugely prohibitive cost, of course) who will still be in his prime when the Jays return to contention, who could put asses in seats, who could mentor a guy like Vlad on how to deal with the crazy prospect hype-train he’s been the conductor, engineer and literal locomotive of the past couple years, and who could author a better legacy here as the leader of a young, flashy Jays team headed for glory than the perennial frustration of the Expos 2.0. Plus I feel like he’d love to continue the legacy of The Bat Flip.

    In reality however we know that the FO wants to bring the payroll down while the team is bad/developing its young stars, so they’re going to refrain from adding any significant money, much less a superstar like Harper. He’ll probably go to the Cubs with his boy Bryant, or to the Phillies so he can hit 298296259265289564561723645 home runs in that ballpark, or to the Yankees because fuck joy. But until he signs elsewhere I’ll continue my mad dream. Might continue it even after he signs too…

    • Paul Beestons Grass Surface

      SuperTramp said it best…
      “…Dreamer, you know you are a dreamer
      Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!
      I said dreamer, you’re nothing but a dreamer
      Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!
      I said “far out, what a day, a year, a life it is!”
      You know, well you know, you had it comin’ to you
      Now, there’s not a lot I can do
      Dreamer, you stupid little dreamer
      So now you put your head in your hands, oh no
      I said, “far out, what a day, a year, a life it is!”
      You know, well you know, you had it comin’ to you
      Now, there’s not a lot I can do
      Work it out someday
      Oh ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma
      you can see anything you want, boy
      (If I could be someone) you can be anyone, celebrate, boy
      you can do something
      (If I could do anything) but can you do something out of this world?
      Take a dream on a sunday
      Take a life, take a holiday
      Take a lie, take a dreamer
      Dream, dream, dream, dream, dream, dream, dream, dream along
      Dreamer, dream and dream along
      C’mon and dream, dream along (come along)
      (C’mon and dream, dream along)
      na na na na na na na na
      Dreamer, you know you are a dreamer (c’mon and dream and dream along)
      Can you put your hands in your head, oh no! (c’mon and dream and dream along)
      I said dreamer, you’re nothing but a dreamer (c’mon and dream and dream along)
      Can you put your hands in your head, oh no! (oh, come on, oh, come on)
      Oh no”

  • lukewarmwater

    Ryan if only you had waited a number of hours you could have had THE STORY OF THE YEAR. THE JAYS FREAKING 9TH INNING.
    Now my grand daughter had the audacity to be born on this day so Grand pa and the family were at a restaurant where I could concentrate with one eye on the birthday party. But having ambidextrous eyeballs allowed me to observe with my lefty eye an amazing unfolding of the Jays potential down the road. As the Bison kids exploded in the 9th inning and shell shocked the Rays with a homer barrage that had the few remaining fans going almost as wild as the players who mobbed Smoak at home plate after the walk off homer. The grand daughter said I’m so glad you are sooo happy for my birthday grandpa. I replied I truly am as I silently whispered Go Jays Go.