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Hey Charlie

Hey Charlie ol’ Gibbers here,

I know that you’re in Dunedin now workin’ under that lazy Florida sun and you’re ready and rarin’ to go, so ol’ Gibbers doesn’t want to take up too much of your time. And the truth is, I don’t want to take up too much of my time either. I’ve got tall cans to sip, leaning to do, and time machines to build..wait – ol’ Gibbers has already built a time machine. And she works, Charlie. She really does work. Maybe I will just sip some tall cans. And eat some pie. Gibbers loves him some pie.

I just wanted to let you know that you’re probably gonna here from ol’ Gibbers from time to time during the season because my heart hoots and hollers for the Jays and always will. And ol’ Gibbers figures you’ll need some good veteran advice. Ya see, Charlie – or should I call you Chuck? Reckon ol’ Gibbers calls you Charlie.

Now, Charlie, when ol’ Gibbers was on his first big league tour as manager, I was all nervous like a stray cat in heat. I’m not even sure if a stray cat in heat gets nervous, but I think ya know what ol’ Gibbers means. Where was I Charlie?  Ol’ Gibbers forgets. Ha, that’s right, ol’ Gibbers’ first tour.

Davey Johnson, my ol’ manager for the Mets, used to write me on occasion and help me back in ’05, which was my first year as skip – just in case ya didn’t know. Every time I did a dumb thing, Davey would write me and let me have it. He’d say, ‘Gibbers you’re a goddamn idiot.’ It was helpful.

I’m not gonna write you every time you do a dumb thing Charlie and tell you you’re an idiot, but ol’ Gibbers is gonna write you when he thinks you need some good ol’ fashion advice.

The truth is Charlie, that this year is probably gonna be a tough year with the whole rebuild thing. I know that you’re ready to compete now, but ol’ Gibbers was ready for Pompey to come home from third and that didn’t happen. Sometimes things just don’t happen. And sometimes things do happen. It’s up to you Charlie to accept the happen that happens. Are ya followin’? ‘Cuz I’m not sure ol’ Gibbers is at this point.

In my first full season as skip, we went 80 – 82. But, I’ve got bad news for you, Charlie: you’re not gonna go 80 – 82 and that’s alright. If things get tough this season, just listen to some David Lee Murphy and Kenny Chesney. That’s what ol’ Gibbers did. Nothing like some good country music to take away the pain of another loss, Charlie. Coors Light works, too. And pie.

You may not know this Charlie, but, ol’ Gibbers came 7th in AL Manager of the Year voting back in ’05. So, I know how to go about a first season as skip. That season, my best hitter was Frank Catalanot-something. Catalawhatchamacallem – Damn it…Frank. Anyway, Charlie, you’ve got Vlad.

Now, you’ve got a good 1 – 2 punch in the damn rotation with Sanchy and Stroman, especially if ya get to see ’16 Sanchy. ’16 Sanchy is a damn good Sanchy. Real composed guy, Charlie. And Borucki is a good kid, too. Don’t know much about the other guys though.

Listen here Charlie: I’m gonna be as honest as a drunk in confession and tell ya not to tip over the outhouse because that’s when shit gets real messy. But, some players like to tip over the damn outhouse, so just sit back and watch the shit spill, Charlie. Watch it spill. Good ol’ Ross will clean it up. Remember you’re the captain. And the captain doesn’t have to clean his ship. No matter how shitty it gets. And the shit winds will blow, Chuck.

So this season is all about takin’ a tater and waiting. I’d rather take a bacon wrapped scallop, but taters are good, too. Never pass on a tater, Charlie. One day you’re lineup is gonna have Vlad, Bichette, Biggio, and maybe even that Smith kid, but until then just eat the tater and enjoy the Vlad.

Make sure to take the kids out for a burger at Jack Astor’s on John St. They like that kind of stuff. It’s a real good place, Charlie – just up the street from work. Try their strawberry daiquiri. Leips’ favourite. You can even take the kids for ice cream at Sweet Jesus. It’s got all the holy that ol’ Gibbers needs.

Anyway remember this, Charlie: a worm is the only animal that can’t fall down. And it slides it’s way home. Are worms even animals, Charlie? Damn it, only if Pompey came home from third.

Sincerely,

John

  • Cincinnatus C.

    Fangraphs’s Depth Charts projects the Jays at 77-85. I know ol’ Gibbers’s pride won’t let him think the Jays might win more games this year than last year but I wouldn’t be as sure as ol’ Gibbers that they won’t do as well as 80-82.

    I was amused to notice while looking up the projections that Steamer makes Vlad the leading contender to win the AL batting title this year.

  • El Cabeza

    I enjoyed this for the most part and look forward to hearing more from ol’ Gibbers this season. The not most part I’m talking about is “ol’ Gibbers” though. I know we refer to him like that because it’s fun, but I don’t recall ever hearing him refer to himself that way, or even in the 3rd person in general? I guess my point is ‘tippin’ the outhouse’ idioms – bullseye, referring to himself with a nickname we gave him – not so much.

    • Ryan Di Francesco

      Thanks for the feedback man. I don’t know why, but I like the third person ol’ Gibbers bit. But, cool that – for the most part – you enjoyed. Will def do a couple of these during the season for something just fun and shit.