“Buck Martinez” thinks outfield alligators, Tarzan ropes are “too much”

Photo credit: Nick Turchiaro-USA TODAY Sports

With the influx of incredible base hit-robbing outfielders like Kevin Pillar, baseball may soon find itself with an offence problem. According to one John Albert “Buck” Martinez — or, more accurately, according to “Buck Martinez” in a message left on my phone by my pal Jimmy (aka @JimmyByronMusic) — the league has a solution for this, but it’s one he’s not quite sold on.

Not a big fan of the neighbourhood rule, either, it turns out!

You may recall that, when last we heard from “Buck Martinez,” he was telling us a fascinating story about Josh Donaldson’s switch to Doritos, away from sunflower seeds, which certainly seemed to have sparked the Jays’ MVP third baseman. I hope this one doesn’t actually portend alligators along the warning track in 2018, but regardless, Jimmy’s spot-on Buck-isms are out in full force.

Yep. Dying. Bahahaha