Here’s who to cheer for/against in the playoffs

With the Dodgers beating the Rockies and the Brewers taking down the Cubs, the stage for the 2018 playoffs is set. Who are we cheering for? Perhaps more importantly, who are we cheering against?

Hurr durrr I don’t care about the playoffs unless the Blue Jays are playing in them! Fuck off, I don’t believe that for a second. We didn’t even know what the playoffs were until three years ago. If you’re a baseball fan who ~actually endured Toronto’s two-decade-long streak of futility~ you surely had a second or, hell, even a third team you paid attention to. There was no way to get through it otherwise.

For me, it’s the Dodgers. This is a recent thing, I won’t lie. I jumped hard on this bandwagon last year when the Jays became unwatchable. It mostly started because I went to a game at Dodger stadium in 2014 and I feel in love with the team’s aesthetic. It’s also partially because it’s nice to have a team that plays at 8:00 p.m. local time (mountain time for me) most nights. But, mainly, I really enjoyed following the Dodgers because it’s fucking amazing rooting for a team with a bottomless bank account.

This season was somewhat of a throwaway for the Dodgers because the team actively wanted to spend under the luxury tax. L.A. isn’t the only team doing this, though. Last off-season was a strange one as teams didn’t want to spend money so they could go absolutely crazy in this winter’s free agent market, which features Manny Machado, Bryce Harper, and many other big names.

Despite this being kind of a screw it year, L.A. went out and acquired Machado, Brian Dozier, David Freese, to augment the team for a playoff push. I mean, look at this. I swear the Dodgers planned prior to the season that they were just going to go out and get Machado regardless and had a bobblehead ready for a late-season giveaway.

Anyways, that’s enough jerking off to the Dodgers for a Blue Jays website, so let’s walk through all the other teams we can cheer for or against.

Unless you desperately want to see J.A. Happ win the World Series for the second time in his career, I don’t know why this would be the team you decide to pull for this fall. Fuck the Yankees.

Unless you desperately want to see David Price (or, uh, Steve Pearce?) win the World Series for the first time in his career, I don’t know why this would be the team you decide to pull for this fall. Fuck the Red Sox.

The Astros were a super cool and endearing team at this point in time last year. They had tanked and sucked all kinds of ass but Trusted The Process to build an absurdly-good core of talent. They beat the Dodgers in the World Series last year which was nicely timed given what Houston went through with Hurricane Harvey. They were also our cousins in hating their in-state rival, the Texas Rangers, as nobody outside of Canada cheered harder for the Bat Flip and Donaldson Dash as Astros fans did.

But then they went out and acquired Roberto Osuna in the midst of his domestic violence trial and immediately became unlikable. Watching Osuna win the World Series might be the worst possible outcome for 2018.

I bet that this is who some Blue Jays executives are gonna be rooting for! Heyyy-o!

But yeah, anyways, the Clevelanders have the longest World Series drought of any team in baseball dating all the way back to 1948. If you like cheering for teams with droughts, this is your team. If you don’t like cheering for teams with racist logos, this isn’t your team. Cleveland is also loaded with former Blue Jays as Edwin Encarnacion and Josh Donaldson represent part of the heart of the team’s lineup and Melky Cabrera is apparently still playing too. There’s also Yan Gomes AND RAJAI DAVIS I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT, so, at any given time, there can be FIVE former Blue Jays out there playing for Cleveland. Given the other options in the American League, Cleveland is a perfectly fine bandwagon option.

If everything had gone right, this could be the Blue Jays. Really!

Moneyball 2 went down in Oakland this year as an extremely-good bullpen helped the A’s shock baseball all the way to the second wild card. They’re easily the most likeable team in the American League and their path through would involve knocking out the Yankees in the wild card game and handing the Red Sox their annual loss in the American League Division Series. Liam Hendriks is the only former Blue Jay on this squad. He’s also apparently starting in the wild card game!

I already explained why I like the Dodgers, but that probably wouldn’t convince you to jump on their bandwagon. Honestly, I don’t know, if you hate big budget teams, then sure, I can see why you wouldn’t like the Dodgers. But this team is a treat to watch. Legendary talent like Clayton Kershaw, young talent like Cody Bellinger and Walker Buehler, random out-of-nowhere stars like Justin Turner and Max Muncy, and, to cap it all off, Yasiel fuckin’ Puig? Damn, that’s a fun roster. John Axford plays for the Dodgers, I think, so there’s a former Blue Jay, too.

Blue Jays fans seem to jive with the Rockies and I can’t for the life of me tell you why. Is this fanbase loaded with sadists who get some kind of weird satisfaction from being punished? I don’t know! Maybe the Rockies are just a relatable, underdog group? That’s probably it. They’re a fun team to follow because they hit a bunch of dingers, I will say that. If there are any Seung-hwan Oh fans out there, here’s your bandwagon.

The Brewers remind me a lot of the 2015 Blue Jays because I’m a big nostalgia whore and I actively look to associate literally everything with that team. The Brewers went all-in last winter with a big free agent signing in Lorenzo Cain and a massive off-season acquisition in Christian Yelich. Cain is a homecoming because they drafted him and Yelich is going to win MVP and if you squint hard enough, it’s Russell Martin and Josh Donaldson. But yeah, the Brewers, man. They went for it and it paid off. Hats off to them. Their rotation is meh, their offence is deep, and their ‘pen is nails. They look like the team of destiny this year. You also have Curtis Granderson, Erik Kratz, Eric Thames, and Jeremy Jeffress rounding up a boatload of Blue Jays ex-pats on this team.

The Cubs actually have a hilarious crop of former Blue Jays. Jesse Chavez is suddenly pitching effectively in high-leverage situations, Brandon Morrow is there though he’s out for the season, and Jaime Garcia, a Blue Jays legend, is in their bullpen for some reason.

Maybe you’re a messed up person and you consider Kris Bryant a former Blue Jay too? I don’t know, live your life! Honestly, the Cubs were cool to cheer for back when they hadn’t won in 700 years, but they’re quickly becoming the Red Sox. We don’t need another Red Sox (Sock?) on this planet.

Oh god. Could you imagine?

Guuuuuuhhhh it only took Alex Anthopolous one season to catapult the Braves to a World Series! The same fans who would say that are the exact same ones who melt down when you say Shapiro and Atkins deserve credit for the Jays’ playoff run in 2016, but, I digress. I would love to see AA win a World Series and I would also love to sit back and bask in the impending chaos it would set on this fanbase and media scene. The Braves are a fun, young, upstart team, though they don’t have any former Blue Jays and nobody needs to watch the tomahawk chop all October.