@Matttomic Fixes The Rogers Centre

Over these last two years, down at 1 Blue Jays Way, I’m pretty sure there have been some (relatively) big dollars thrown around on consulting fees and data collection, with the aim being to shape the coming renovations at Rogers Centre. With the stated aim being to modernize the facility and extend its life for another 30 years (or at least until the club’s inevitable return to Exhibition Place in a newly built baseball-only facility sometime, y’know, before then), “multi-million dollar renovations” doesn’t even come close.

The retrofit of the roof alone — which was done quietly over the course of the last couple winters, and has seemingly had no bearing whatsoever on how well the roof operates or how frequently fans get to enjoy not being trapped in the muggy awfulness — has already cost $10 million. And plenty more changes are coming beyond that. Many of them, like the roof thing, won’t be merely cosmetic. But it’s the cosmetic ones that really interest us! And to that end, I think the Jays maybe could have saved themselves a bunch of money and hired the internet’s very own @matttomic!

You may know Matt from his outstanding Sandwich Alignment Chart, or from having created the peerless @JAHappster, or his various other online delights. But whether you’re familiar or not, you probably now need to get familiar, as he’s gone ahead and done Mark Shapiro’s job for him, presenting his vision for a revamped Rogers Centre in a series of tweets on Thursday.

To wit!

I had a good discussion on Twitter the other night about ideas for statues at the stadium that would be more appropriate than the Pyongyang-esque monument to Uncle Ted, and this sure as hell was one of them. Personally, I maybe like the idea of making José even bigger, and having the bat on the ground nearby, big enough for fans to sit on or lean against or something — an idea at least a couple others suggested. Maybe that’s too much bronze, and maybe by the time the bat hit the ground his pose wasn’t quite so iconic and the whole thing doesn’t work, but you get the idea. Immortalize that shit! (Yes, yes, Joe Carter and Robbie Alomar, too. And… well… a bunch of other moments (which I’ll talk about in more detail in an upcoming piece).)

Structurally, I’m not entirely sure how this would work, but fortunately for all of us that kind of stuff isn’t my job. Flatten those outer-most left field sections in the 500s and get this shit installed already! Provided, of course, that there are plenty of ciders also available here (because, be honest, beer kinda sucks — and having had, like, 10,000 of them in my life, I feel qualified to say so). I mean, the damn park is basically just a glorified (and horrifically expensive) bar at this point anyway. Might as well go all-in.

That there isn’t yet any kind of museum to the history of the club at the ballpark is legit bizarre. Get on it.

OMG, can it also provide ventilation????

Well, yes. Obviously.

I mean, I don’t think it’s actually ever going to happen — and I especially don’t think the previous club president should have ever teased that it might just to distract from criticism after a lacklustre offseason *COUGH* — but damn it, let’s not be Democrats about this stuff, let’s actually dream big!

I’m sure there are another six or twelve or fourteen hundred things Matt could propose, but that’s pretty good starting point! So [hacky end of a blog post alert] what would you do to brighten up the Rogers Centre experience? Have your say in the comments! [Or don’t! See if I care!]