Guess who’s coming home? The 1-5 Toronto Blue Jays. Let’s turn this shit around. We don’t need another 2013 season, okay?

Well, dammit! Josh Donaldson is a no go for tonight’s home opener, which sucks. Apparently he’s only day-to-day, and might be available to pinch hit tonight, depending on how you decode Gibby’s non-answer.

Ryan Goins will take Donny’s spot in the lineup. And check this out, because, speaking of Goins, Tulo’s three-year-old kid looks like he has a better swing. Ha ha haaaaa! Woo!

I’ll finish this off with the piece of good news. Roberto Osuna is back after missing the first week of action, which is great, because the Jays bullpen seems pretty bleh without him.

And now, the lineups…

J.A. Happ: 195 IP, 3.18 ERA, 7.8 H9, 1.0 HR9, 2.8 BB9, 7.5 SO9

Wily Peralta: 127 2/3 IP, 4.86 ERA, 10.7 H9, 1.3 HR9, 3.0 BB9, 6.6 SO9

I honestly have no clue who, like, half of the players in this Brewers lineup are. It’s Ryan Braun, some guy who played for the Red Sox, and then a bunch of create-a-players. One of the only interesting thing about the Brew Crew is Eric Thames, who was Barry Bonds in Korea for a few years, and he isn’t even in their goddamn lineup. What the hell?!