It’s Family Day weekend in most parts of Canada, and the thicc-est member of the Blue Jays family has arrived today. The 80-bat king of the sons is ready to murder some grapefruit balls, as every fan continues to gush and take hard swigs from the bottle of Vlad.

So let’s just gush some more on this perfect Saturday:

And cue a little theme music, amirite?

It’s super exciting stuff because Vlad is going to totally set foot on the Rogers carpet at some point in time this spring. We just have to, ya know, wait for him to work on his base running and defence because the current CBA is trash:

I’m not about to jump on that shitty CBA thought train right now because this post is meant to inject our veins with Spring Training Vlad and everything good in this messed up world. And I know that there are a lot of howls about this topic right now, but I don’t think that Jays fans are shocked that Vlad will start the season in Buffalo because of the service time thing. I think fans are just pissed because even though it makes ‘sense’ for the organization to do that under the current rules, that doesn’t mean that it makes it right. I mean, the front office could just reach deep into the Rogers pocket and give him all the money when the time comes to extend him, so who really cares about that extra year of service, right? Anywho…moving on.

Look at this beut:

And marvel at this:

The Large Adult Son has arrived:

FUCKIN’ YAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!