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Photo Credit: Nick Turchario-USA TODAY Sports

Keep Your Filthy Hands Off Edwin, Red Sox!

I don’t particularly like the thought of Edwin Encarnación playing for any team that isn’t the Toronto Blue Jays, but it turns out that there is at least one team out there that it would infuriate me to the point of nausea to see him playing for — and it ain’t the one he’s currently on.

This is some straight-up bullshit:

Fuck you and your filthy fucking ideas you fucking Boston fucks. Goddamn your hides for even thinking of this. And fuck you too, Cleveland, for entertaining it.

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Unless…

Shit…

What if…

DO YOU THINK THEY’D TAKE PILLAR?????

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Player A: 90 wRC+, 2.3 WAR, 4.2 UZR, 10 DRS in 2017. Age 28 in 2018, $6.1M salary, two arbitration years left. Career wRC+ of 93 in 1,962 PA.

Player B: 85 wRC+, 1.9 WAR, 6.0 UZR, 15 DRS in 2017. Age 29 in 2018, $3.25M salary, two arbitration years left. Career wRC+ of 85 in 2,076 PA.

THEY ARE BASICALLY THE SAME GUY, CLEVELAND. NO NEED TO LOOK INTO THIS FURTHER. TAKE MY WORD, GUYS. Player A (Bradley) is a little younger and a better hitter. Player B (Pillar) is a better defender and almost $3 million cheaper this year alone. Man, if I were a team that needed to watch my every dollar I might even like him better. (I… uh… very definitely might not, of course. BUT I MIGHT!).

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Sadly, though, for all this nonsense, the source of this is Nightengale, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“Maybe those talks are re-visited,” he baselessly speculates. “Maybe GM Dave Dombrowski calls the Detroit Tigers and lets them know they are willing to take on at least half of the remaining $192 million in Miguel Cabrera’s contract. Maybe panic sets in from both sides.”

Riiiiiight…

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The big takeaway here, then, is that we probably ought to pay this no mind. Which — hey! — is still a whole lot better than the idea of Edwin landing with the fucking goddamn Red Sox!