Dear ol’ Gibbers,
Goddamn it, it’s time to heat up the bricks and set off into the Texas sunset now, ain’t it? And it sure as the shit in a pig pen has been a fun ride. But, there’s no damn reason to get teenager sad about this and loaf around with a morose face because at the end of the damn baseball day the hens are still clucking. And Jays fans are always going to hoot and holler for you, Gibbers.
Instead of staring off into ol’ Gibbers memory lane, I think it’s best that we get knee-walking drunk in your honour. It’s best to celebrate the good ol’ times we had together and become more than a couple sheets to the wind. Because goddamnit Gibbers, you’re the most entertaining and likeable manager that this organization has ever had. Canadians know that it doesn’t take a genius to spot a goose in a flock of ducks. And you’re the damn goose, Gibbers. Gibbers, you are the goose.
You probably don’t know that you trend on any given night with the hashtag #GibbyTheBest because you’re too damn cool for something like Twitter or Insta-something where you post pictures and stuff. You’re too cool to care how many dumb followers you have because you’re the damn leader. But, it’s true, damn it. You trend in Canada, Gibbers. You’re trending right now.
And you’re trending because Canada knows that you’re so cool that you could strut sitting down. I can’t strut, but I wish I could. Canada knows that you are the sear on the steak. And what’s a steak without a sear. The truth is, you’re the hat and the damn cattle, Gibbers. You’re all the hats. All the cattle.
You’ve done a great job during this second walk through the Rogers ranch. The smart in your swagger is deserving of getting your name put up on the Level of Excellence in the ol’ concrete box. And when that day comes, every Gibby fan is going to shoot out the lights and be there with all the damn bells on. And every one of those bells is going to ring…GIBBY…GIBBY…GIBBY…GIBBY! Like they will for you today.
Because ol’ Gibbers, you are the damn sizzle and the bacon. You’re the fat and the grease. You’re a vegetarians worst nightmare. And your handling of the meat in the ‘pen over the years has shown us all that you’re brighter than a Canadian toonie.
The way you were able to deal with the egos of some players that ran wilder than a hungry boar is something that not a lot of humans can do. But, goddamn it, you did it. And it didn’t matter how good a player was, or who he was.
If it were Ted Lilly, or some sinking ship bozo, you’d let ‘em know who’s the damn captain. If it were a JD boombox or temper tantrum, or a Kevin Pillar huh moment, you’d let ‘em know what needed to be known.
And you’d remind them all that you were a part of the ’86 Mets. And you hit .474 and had a 1.388 OPS, too. Sure, you only played in 8 games, but still. There’s no way JD or Kevin Pillar could’ve ever survived an ’86 Mets road trip, but you did – damn it. You did.
I think you already know this, but when you leave Toronto, the porch light is always going to be burning for you. And as long as Canada has a timbit, you’ve got half. We’re always just two hoots and a holler away – or a flight from San Antonio to Toronto to be exact.
It’s going to be hard for the next manager who comes in here and has to fill your cowboy boots. I’m pretty sure no matter who it is, he is going to come across about as boring as a mashed potato sandwich in the scrum. He’s going to taste like pineapple on pizza. But, I’m sure we will grow to accept your replacement and like him. But, he won’t be you ol’ Gibbers. He won’t be you.
The truth is, there will never be a manager like you. And goddamn it, I know that I’m getting sappy here like a bad Maroon 5 song that plays in a store that you’re shopping in and you just want it to stop and it won’t stop because you have to finish getting all the things on your dumb damn list, but you’re the goddamn best.
And don’t ever forget it.
We all know that you could take Bannister in a fight. We all know that you’re cooler than any character Clint Eastwood has played…fuck it…Steve McQueen. And we all know that you’re smarter than Showalter because you’d never leave your best pitcher in the ‘pen.
So fuckin’ eh, Gibbers…Fuckin’ eh!
And thank you.