This is some serious satirical stuff that I’m typing up here because I’m pretty bored and just want the season to start already. I’d like to say that I appreciate all the hardworking folks who are a part of the Jays’ PR team (and this post is in good fun). Actually, I appreciate all hardworking humans. Period. So, I want to come up with some hyperbolic concepts about what the 2019 Blue Jays hashtag is going to be. Last year, I did this same shtick for Blue Jays Nation.
It’s been a long winter and the minus temperatures keep on keeping on – just like this sentence is about to – and the wind keeps eating our faces and our will to get out of bed in the morning to go to work because at this point in time we would all prefer to be sipping something cold under the hot sun. Maybe in Dunedin. But, #ItsFine. Many of us during these long winter nights have been watching hockey, or binge watching shows on Netflix or Crave – patiently waiting for baseball. But, there is no rest fort the Blue Jays PR team. They have been trying to think up some kind of catchy hashtag for this season.
…Maybe something clever like #BudJays
…Or how about #Who’sYourVladdy,Bitch?
Now, clearly the Blue Jays PR team is going to definitely take a hard pass on the #BudJays thing because who wants to dedicate a hashtag to a racist…wait, I mean, human trash.
The good ol’ PR people might want to delete the Jesse Pinkman part and use #Who’sYourVladdy? instead. For the kids, of course. But, if the front office is totally set on Vlad working on his defensive lateral movement in Triple-A, we might not see him up in Toronto until mid-June.
Remember it’s vital for Vlad to work on speed and footwork to improve mobility from side to side. If he can develop the proper technique and form, it will increase his speed, stability, and body control, enabling him to move more effectively to chase down those MLB ground balls. So, I’m not sure a #Who’sYourVladdy? will work because #WhoKnowsWhenVladdyWillGetCalledUp?
Speaking of getting called up, how about a #CallThemAllUp? That’s a good hashtag. That’s the hashtag of all hashtags. Call. Them. All. Up. It’s all about letting the kids play this year, isn’t it? So this hashtag might make the most sense – at least for all of us fans. I mean, I personally think that the Opening Day Buffalo Bisons roster would murder the Opening Day Jays roster, so why not #CallThemAllUp? Or maybe that would be a #LargeAdultSonOverload. I guess #FeelTheHerd won’t work here in Toronto.
Okay, enough of this tomfoolery. It’s time to think of something that the Jays could actually use in 2019. Deciding on a hashtag is an earthshaking decision – no-nonsense. So how about #IsIt2021Yet? Or #BeenWaitingSince93? Nah, I guess, these don’t really work. Think…Goddamnit – think. Maybe #We’reMajorLeagueReady? Or #WhatDidRossJustSay? I dunno – how about #IMiss#GibbyTheBest?
I’m just all over the place now. I’ve got to focus. Think. Now, if I had the arduous task of creating an indelible 2019 Jays hashtag and I worked in the hashtag department for the Jays, what would I do? Now, I know that it’d have to be better than #LetsGoBlueJays because that’s too easy. Any halfwit can think of that. It needs to be clever. But, more clever than #LetsRise.
…How about #BirdUP? Bird the fuck up.
#BirdUP – the worst hashtag in the MLB. This I can live with. It’s certainly better than #BlueJays (insert Blue Jays emoji).
What should the Blue Jays twitter official hashtag be this year? I’m suggesting #BirdUp
— Cam Lewis (@cooom) March 7, 2019
— Josh Tessler (@JoshTessler_) March 26, 2018
The Blue Jays lacked a little imagination last year and played it safe after the #LetsRise fail. This year, they’re going to have to do better. They’re going to have to #BirdUP.
Now, if creating a hashtag comes down to what kind of season the team is going to have, I think that maybe two hashtags might be appropriate for 2019. Maybe a #CharacterLoss and #CharacterWin (depending on the outcome after nine innings) because this year is about the youngsters building character every pitch, at-bat, and inning. This is a #CharacterBuilding team.
We’re all waiting for the baseball season to start, as we try and get through the winter-isn’t-fucking-over-yet part of the winter. And while we wait for baseball and the final season of Game of Thrones to come out, we must also wait for what the social media or PR team or whoever it is that works for the Jays to #HitUsWithTheirBestShot – #FireAwayTag.
It’s #hashtag season. What do you think?