So You Wanted To Be A Blue Jays Fan

This season has been a clusterfuck already and they haven’t even begun play in June yet. We went from being the most obnoxious group of people on earth as they feasted on subpar teams, and then watched them become one just a few weeks later.

So what is this team? Was May just really bad or is this the life we’re resigned to? We’ll probably find out this month as knowing them, they’ll either climb within striking distance of the Mariners for the second wildcard spot or plummet further, forcing their fans to petition their owners/media giant to air minor league games.

The positives: Ian Hunter already laid some of it out here, but there are some encouraging signs. Their much-hyped outfield depth has actually looked pretty good at points, with Teoscar Hernandez, despite his current slump, being right behind Mookie Betts and JD Martinez in barrel rate and Dwight Smith Jr. slashing .300/.382/.533 in 15 games. JA Happ seems like a God among men, and Sammy Gaviglio looks somewhat promising and not anything like the sixth starters we’ve seen over the past two years. Marcus Stroman will hopefully be back before Vlad Jr. retires, and him throwing darts with the good version of Aaron Sanchez for an extended period of time could be a season changer.

The negatives: The Rays want to tank and they’re doing BETTER THAN THE BLUE JAYS. Climb over them and you have the Evil Empire wrecking Toronto’s shit with the Red Sox like this is 2004. They’ve already been no hit, and it really feels like it might happen again. On a related note, their DH has been abysmal to the point where fans cringe when they see his name due up, and their starting catcher who makes $20 Million Dollars has decided to become a 35-year-old utility player despite hitting well below the Mendoza line in a healthy amount of games. The aforementioned Aaron Sanchez and Marcus Stroman have settled their beef, only to get into a new competition that has to do with who could post the highest earned run average. The declining-defence Kevin Pillar has fallen off a cliff again, this time without uttering a slur. Oh, and their star closer has a court date later this month. So…par for the course, I’d say!

We’re still not near trade deadline season, so any calls to blow it up seem extremely premature. They can’t afford to continue whatever they’ve been doing, but with eight weeks until the end of July, there’s ample time to claw back into things. Yeah, April may have seemed like fool’s gold with the weaker competition, but they were actually playing well. Even in May, there were points where they got out ahead and then just blew it. You can’t be in a position to piss away games without being somewhat competent in the first place *STOETEN COUGH*

 Yeah, life seems futile and May made us go through some sort of baseball existential crisis, but smile! We have Vlad Jr! At the very least, what’s been getting through this tough times is the love fest going on by non-Blue Jays media over this 19-year-old prodigy hasn’t gotten close to old yet. At the very least, we can maybe just turn this account into a Fisher Cats one? I don’t know.

Let’s hope June is better.