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Photo Credit: YOUTUBE

A Quick Jays-Rangers Timeline Before We Watch Rougned Odor Embarrass Himself

If it weren’t the single, undisputed, greatest moment in Blue Jays post-1993 history, I’d probably roll my eyes at the fact that people are still getting worked up today about a bat flip that happened seventeen months ago. And yet the horseshit Texas Rangers kinda made it so we have no choice.

Here’s a timeline to consider:

  • October 2015: José Bautista eats Sam Dyson’s children, putting the Jays up for good with a mammoth blast in the series-clinching fifth game of an ALDS the Rangers had once led 2-0. He celebrates exuberantly and entirely appropriately given the gravity of the moment — an opinion held by everyone but scared old dudes refusing to acknowledge the ever-quickening hopeless irrelevance of “the way it was,” and thus their own mortality. The sadass Rangers get sadass about it.
  • May 2nd-5th, 2016: The Rangers come to Rogers Centre for the first time since their spiritual de-pantsing. They rather familiarly win the first game of the series then lose three straight. Not a whole lot happens.
  • May 13th-14th, 2016: The Blue Jays visit the Rangers in Texas to play the final three scheduled games between the two teams for the season. They split the first two games of a three game series. Not a whole lot happens.
  • May 15th, 2016, first inning through seventh inning: The Blue Jays and the Rangers play baseball. Not a whole lot happens.
  • May 15th, 2016, eighth inning, 0 outs: The chickenshit Rangers embarrass themselves, the state of Texas, and the game of baseball. They do this not only by being such fragile pissasses that they felt they needed to retaliate for a months-old bat flip (a bat flip, I might add, that they could have easily avoided by not literally throwing and bunglefucking the seventh inning of Game Five away). They do this not only by choosing the route of violence, throwing a pitch at a guy because bloo bloo he bat fwipped our feewingses. They do this also by waiting until Bautista’s last scheduled at-bat of the 2016 season against them to retaliate. If you’re going to be so utterly pathetic as to feel that a bat flip — a bat flip! — warrants a potentially-injurious fastball to the ribs, don’t be fucking cowards and wait until the last at-bat of a player’s season against you, Rangers. Jeezus.
  • May 15th, 2016, eighth inning, 1 out: Matt Bush, who hit Bautista, and wasn’t even on the Rangers the previous October, exits the game to a standing ovation from dumbfuck sadass Rangers fans.
  • May 15th, 2016, eighth inning, 1 out: With Bautista on first base, Justin Smoak hits a double play ball off new pitcher Jake Diekman. Bautista slides hard in anger at Rougned Odor at second base. Or… OK, he slides through second base. He doesn’t go wide of the bag to take him out, because Odor is on the bag. José slides late and way past the bag. It was a shitty slide. He should have just let the Rangers look like the utter chickenshit punks that they are, frankly. And as much as Jays fans probably don’t like me saying so, if I don’t give an honest assessment of this part, then my honest assessment of the garbage the Rangers pulled isn’t worth very much.
  • May 15th, 2016, eighth innings, 3 outs: Bautista and Odor immediately assume fighting posture. Odor shoves Bautista hard. José winds up to throw a punch (let’s be honest), but Odor clocks him first with a weak-ass punch that doesn’t even knock him down. (OK, it was perhaps a slightly better shot than that makes it sound). Adrián Beltré rushes in and pulls Bautista away, sparing further punishment to… um… let’s say Odor. At the very least he spared one of the two combatants!
  • May-October 2016: Dipshit Rangers fans act like their club’s shameless cowardice was actually some kind of act of karmic justice to be proud of. “Don’t Mess With Texas” shirts and “Bat Flips Get Fat Lips” become a thing.
  • October 2016: The Rangers get embarrassed in the playoffs by the Blue Jays again.
  • November 2016: Media-illiterate Rangers fans vote in huge numbers for Donald Trump… probably.
  • March 13th, 2017: In a World Baseball Classic game for Venezuela, Rougned Odor, sainted ass-clown of the flip-hating Rangers tribe, pimps the ever-loving shit out of a goddamn single. To wit:

COGNITIVE DISSONANCE, ROUGIE YOU FUCK!!!!

Awesome bat flip, tho (I’d have maaaaybe saved it for a home run). But… uh… aren’t those supposed to be super uncool and disrespectful? Quite frankly, Rangers, I liked you guys better when you were just cowards, not hypocritical cowards. Work on that.

  • Steve-O

    This is hands-down your best post of 2017.

    “They do this not only by choosing the route of violence, throwing a pitch at a guy because bloo bloo he bat fwipped our feewingses. They do this also by waiting until Bautista’s last scheduled at-bat of the 2016 season against them to retaliate. If you’re going to be so utterly pathetic as to feel that a bat flip — a bat flip! — warrants a potentially-injurious fastball to the ribs, don’t be fucking cowards and wait until the last at-bat of a player’s season against you, Rangers. Jeezus.” chef kissing finders dot gif

    (I know, it’s early, but still! Well done.)

  • Rougned Odor, sainted ass-clown of the flip-hating Rangers tribe, pimps the ever-loving shit out of a goddamn single.

    I come to luv this line ^^^^.
    Roughned doesn’t speak Kahneman, he speaks poser and is a one man undoing project…….

  • JoannaC

    While Jose’s slide was no doubt late and on the edge of dirty, it didn’t much matter. He was going to get punched just for being within range of Odor’s tiny little arms. Because the Rangers/Odor. The mistake he made was lowering himself to their level, even if it was ever so slight.

    I wonder if all the punch merchandise is going to live on after the Rangers got spanked out of the first round.

  • Blue Jonesy

    I actually physically pains me that I don’t think Texas fans ever even relized how cowardly it was to wait for Bautista’s last at bat. It is a part of the story that is so relevant to us but they ignore. I want nothing more than to see Stoeten on a talk show, on prime time TV in Texas debating whoever they want about this event.

    I would Pay-Per-View that shit!

  • Rob Ray

    I never saw Jose’s bat flip as an act of disrespect toward the Rangers. I saw it as Jose thumbing his nose at the baseball establishment for letting Odor’s run score in the top of the inning. Face it, after an incredible two month stretch, the Blue jays were on the cusp of getting hosed right out of the playoffs. The conspiracy theories were setting in. Could it be baseball’s establishment didn’t want the Jays advancing because it might hurt their television ratings? Once Dale Scott (the home plate umpire and crew chief) called a dead ball, the play was over. Period. It doesn’t matter what the right call was because the ball was dead. It’s like a football referee blowing an inadvertent whistle. He shouldn’t have, but once he does the play is over. Why Scott doesn’t know the rule and is till a crew chief is beyond me. Scott calling a dead ball took away any chance the Blue Jays had to field the ball and throw Odor out. Then along came Bautista. With one swing he told baseball’s establishment to “stick it!”. That was Jose’s answer to that horrible performance by the officiating crew and the baseball establishment’s lack of balls to uphold the call. It’s not Jose’s fault that the Rangers had four fielding miscues in that half inning. The Rangers imploded all by themselves. The Rangers stupidity, ineptitude and complete lack of class lives in infamy. That’s something they will wear for the rest of their lives like a bad tattoo.

  • KissMyPurpleButt

    “He celebrates exuberantly and entirely appropriately given the gravity of the moment — an opinion held by everyone but scared old dudes refusing to acknowledge the ever-quickening hopeless irrelevance of “the way it was,” and thus their own mortality.”

    Love it.

  • sweat

    I agree with pretty much everything, except for that Jose was definitely going to throw a punch. I think it’s possible that he was just tensing up shove Odor.
    Either way, Odor is a 100% garbage clown.