In the ten days leading up to the season opener against the Yankees, your friends at BJN will be dropping a #take a day to get you pumped up for the season! Day ten: What if everything goes RIGHT?
Opening Day is finally upon us and there’s a nice, potent whiff of positivity in the air. Wednesday we featured all possible disaster scenarios and what hell would look like if everything were to go wrong for the Birds this season. Today, we do the opposite.
This is how a picture-perfect 2018 campaign goes down:
Josh Donaldson re-signs for a hometown discount. ‘Baseball player signs for much less than he’s worth and gives up term in the process,’ is not something you’ll ever expect to hear, but since JD loves Toronto so much and couldn’t imagine wearing any hat besides a Blue Jays one, he will take the grenade and re-sign with the team for a bargain. He’s such a good guy!
Jose Bautista joins the booth. If Jose Bautista somehow found his way on the Blue Jays roster at some point this season, that probably means shit is going very, very bad. But Jose taking on an analyst role in the booth would be a goddamn treat — and in this utopian scenario, Bautista crushes the broadcast game as well as he mashed baseballs.
Justin Smoak wasn’t a fraud. The Blue Jays first baseman not only duplicates his career-best slash line and power numbers from 2018, but takes another step forward and transforms into the single greatest corner infielder in the history of baseball. Smoak becomes the GOAT we always knew he could be.
Blue Jays acquire rights to Big Sexy Bartolo Colon. I don’t really have to get into all the ways this would be amazing, do I? He’s the single greatest arm in baseball history don’t @ me.
Travis excels in the lead-off spot. The team’s best candidate to lead off the order is Travis, and with the perfectly clean bill of health he’s sure to boast all season without one single setback, there’s no reason to think the Jays second baseman can’t grab the bull by the proverbial horns and make that No. 1 spot in the order his full-time lover.
Get to face the trash Rays 19 times. This isn’t utopian — this is real life in all its glory.
The bullpen sizzles. Roberto Osuna is poised to have a bounce-back year and the combination of potential set-up men in John Axford, Seung Hawn Oh, Ryan Tepera and Danny Barnes is a pretty delicious one. This group will be lights out during the Blue Jays’ magical 2018 campaign.
Tim Leiper’s ass-slapping game is on point. My dude can throw a mean right ass-whack, and when Leiper’s got his arm swinging and his slap-hand on fire, it means things are going well for the boys. The more thunderous ass-slaps we see from Leepsy, the better the team is — it’s a direct correlation.
Sanchez and Stroman dominate. Coming off a strong 2017, Stroman remains the team’s ace until further notice. That notice could come in the form of a healthy Aaron Sanchez as the pair should duel it out for No. 1 status and, for the first time ever, two dudes on the same team will share the AL Cy Young because they were that fucking fantastic.
Win the AL East and the World Series, duh. What kind of dream-like scenario doesn’t end with a pennant and a ship?
So savour your final few months of being pathetic losers, Jays fans, this is the season where dreams are made.