Four days.

It took four days for us for some professional athletes to become petulant man-children and begin to sulk over the dumbest shit that happened on a baseball diamond.

Was somebody thrown at? Stared at? Was there a fight amongst competitors? Teammates?

Nope! A fucking bunt started this all. A bunt.

Twins starter Jose Berrios was putting the finishing touches on a beautiful one-hit complete game shutout against the Orioles yesterday afternoon when, in the ninth inning, Chance Sisco did the unthinkable; he beat the shift and dropped a bunt down a vacated third base line. In the ninth! Of a 7-0 game!

I’m not sure why CNN hasn’t picked up on this American tragedy, but we need to talk about this.

It’s usually the other way around and the Orioles are angry about something. It’s always great to see the trashbirds get throttled, and trust me, that isn’t lost on me, but it’s legitimately funny watching people find a way to piss their pants this early in the season after decisively winning a game. I will never for the life of me understand why playing for a single base when your miserable team is already getting the shit kicked out of it is breaking some unwritten “please don’t hurt my feelings” code. I’d understand if the bunt came in the ninth inning of a perfect game and Sisco was being a little twerp, but he already had the Orioles other hit earlier in the day. Even if it was a perfect game, if a team is trying their best to get you out with a shift, why not try your best to get on base? Why does a competitor owe it to his rival to make an out the way they want?

Trust me, if I was looking at this and my team was getting carved up, I’d try to lay one down too.

Cooler heads prevailed and nobody made a fool of themselves in the post-game. Never mind, here’s what six-year veteran Brian Dozier said:

Dozier had all that time to stew, reflect, and form his thoughts before reporters came back into the clubhouse after that game and that’s what he comes up with? Veteran leadership? Congrats on not actually telling a guy why you’re mad that he’s still trying to play in a blow out.

Baseball, for all its merits, is incredibly stupid when it comes to this. So much time is spent acting macho and stoic, only for the smallest things to set players off. We won’t talk about shitty unwritten rules again until a guy almost takes a 95 MPH projectile to the head for accidentally cracking a smile because he did something cool.

Baseball is back, baby!